3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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