Already got asked if we're dating
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
