I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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