All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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