it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You are the jesus of drinking
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
