Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
