HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
