just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
