Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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