just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
