There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
