the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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