Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
