Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
