Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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