If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
