i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
