My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
