Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
