I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
