Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
