I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
