Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
