1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
