i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
They should really pass out barf bags in church
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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