OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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