i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
