Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
