woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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