come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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