what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
