Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
