All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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