im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
