Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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