Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
