I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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