she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
