His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
