I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
