i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
