Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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