Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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