4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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