just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
