roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
