During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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