Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
