just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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