btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
