genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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