i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
