You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
