You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
