the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
