just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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