Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
