Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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