hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
