I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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