I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
