that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
As shirtless as possible
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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