I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
