69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
