sarcasm needs its own font
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize