Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
