saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
