My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
