My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
