I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
