he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
