I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
