im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
