our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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