if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
